My Head is Leaking

I’m not exactly sure what my body’s plan is regarding this cold.  It can’t seem to make up its mind about whether my muscles should all ache at the same time, whether I should get flushed, whether I should be freezing, or should have a headache.  It does seem pretty adamant that my nose needs to continually run, as if my brains were leaking at an alarming rate into a viscous green slime.  It should come as no surprise that I am less than enthusiastic about this entire situation.

I was reading through The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo a bit more over the last few days.  I’m only a few chapters in; twelve minutes of bus rides does not allow for a whole lot of reading.  For the most part I’m enjoying the story and have been noting where the original movie and the American remake are the same and differ regarding the novel.  I can, however, say that I don’t like how on two occasions now the narrative will reference something that the POV character doesn’t know about yet.  It just jarred me and while the rest of the chapter was enjoyable, I kept thinking back to just how out-of-place that observation was.  It may be a little pedantic but that irritated me to no end.

So Mass Effect 3.  In just over a month.  I’m definitely excited about this, as I am a huge fan of the series.  I’d place the series, as a whole, as one of the most important franchises to come out this console generation.  There are always going to be issues in regards to the technical limitations of the hardware or game engine (the original had nothing but performance problems) but I love the story.  And I’m actually excited to play the multiplayer.  I saw the new trailer that was released today, and I can’t wait to wreck the Reapers’ day in a co-op fashion.

I do want to make a comment on the rumored next Xbox’s ability to not play used games.  I know it’s not a popular opinion but I’ll be damned if I could actually care about this.  I hate how I can install a game now on my 360, and then need the disk to play it.  If this turns out to be true, and it turns out that if I install the game to the hard drive and not need the disk to play it then I am all for it.  If they could even expand it to allow the Xbox store to have actual new releases I think I’d be more than satisfied with that turn of events as well.  Now I buy my games new, and this would affect a great many people.  But for me this wouldn’t cause me any grief.

Not a Great Start

There is something about waking up completely and utterly sick that is just tremendously horrid.  That first instant of consciousness when you blink away the sleep and realize that unfortunately today is going to be a complete and utter waste of your time.  That was me this morning, as I first came to the realization that perhaps my migraine from yesterday was saying, “I know you feel bad now but, man, tomorrow is gonna be so much worse.  I almost feel bad for you.”  You know, before the migraine kicked it into overdrive and felt like someone was trying to drill a whole through my head with a rusty corkscrew.  I feel like I need to get a tetanus shot just from thinking about that.

My fiance has – I don’t want to say accused – brought up how different I am in the real world compared to how I write on this very blog.  To which I always think to myself – perhaps actually said I don’t really remember – “Well hopefully I don’t sound like a rambling crazy person in real life.”  I can understand her response though.  I am a quiet, reserved person generally.  I think a lot but I don’t say a whole lot.  And I’m certain that she finds that endlessly irritating.  The problem is that I just don’t like talking; never have and never, in all likelihood, will.  I like the act of writing so much more.  Not having to instantly respond to things, just getting the time to mull over my exact response.  That’s what appeals to me.  And in all honesty part of the reason for this blog is to just have a stream of consciousness to just get me writing.  About whatever may cross my mind.  With a little spell checking, usually, after the fact so I don’t look as stupid as I actually am (after spell checking this post, I found out I spelt stupid wrong.  That’s just amazing).

I find it funny, looking back at my writing, just how clean the language is in it. I am, when playing games, a very foul-mouthed prick.  I’d like to blame it on the entire culture that Xbox Live seems to breed (my brother is far worse than me in this regards and he’s twelve years younger) but I think it’s more likely due to why I play games.  I play as a way to relieve stress and to experience an interactive story.  And after stressful days I just want to swear at computer generated character while I shoot ridiculous fictional guns.  But that doesn’t translate to most of my writing for some reason.  Every instance of swearing I actually put on paper I end up sitting there debating if there is any actual need for it.  Is it gratuitous?  Does the story get anything from it?  I just find it amusing that I’ll have a ten minute argument in my head about swearing in my writings, when I’ll swear ten times a minute over some action in a game.  There is definitely a disconnect there on some level.

My Skull Aches

This morning I woke up with a migraine.  This happens from time to time, nothing much to do regarding it.  Take some pain meds and tough it out.  Stay away from bright lights, that sort of thing.  Normally I would have just stayed home from work today, but I have a meeting that I can’t miss this afternoon so low and behold I am toughing it out.  The medication only started working about twenty minutes ago, but I can at least think for the time being.  Might have to take some more, probably in the next few minutes to make sure I am at least functioning at a level above “lump of flesh in a chair”.

I was honestly thinking of writing a short, short story regarding the agony I’ve been feeling today.  But just the mere thought of that made my head hurt more, which I can’t imagine is a good thing.  When your thoughts make your head physically hurt, there is something most definitely wrong with that.

I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a short story, based on a character that only briefly shows up in the novel.  I find her origin fascinating, but due to the relatively small roll she has in the story there isn’t any justification.  And given how violently her brief appearance and demise is in the novel proper, giving her back story would be nothing more that a pointless venture.  At least, if it was contained within the novel itself.

The problem is that I don’t know if I could ever make myself write something that depressing.  This girl is kidnapped, experimented on, and eventually changed into something not human.  Something that has never existed before, with terrible consequences.  Her mind snaps through it all, focusing all of her hatred and rage on the man who did this all to her.

Ten years ago, in my darker days, I would have jumped at this concept.  Hell, back then I’d already be writing it.  Those kinds of dark, twisted stories appealed to me.  Why?  No idea.  I wasn’t a violent person then, and I’m not now.  I guess the ideas of things we can’t begin to comprehend, the unimaginable horrors that wait just inches beyond our understanding, were the main draw.  But I just don’t think I have it in me to actually put down the events on paper.  Perhaps I’ve evolved as a person.  Or perhaps I’ve just become soft.  Either way, I’m still undecided.

Having Fun

So I did get time to work on the outline, at least a very high level outline.  I’ve got the first nine chapters and the main plot points resolved and have almost all of the tenth completed.  I ran into a bit of a road block trying to determine how two characters end up at a location.  Didn’t quite figure that out last night, but I decided about ten minutes ago that the point was to get the plot outlined not the details.  So, as of now, the characters arrive.  With the how to be determined when I’m actually writing the events.  Initially I was expecting roughly around twenty-seven chapters in addition to the prologue and the epilogue.  I’m still thinking this is a pretty close estimate but I think if anything the total number will shrink a bit.  I’ll just have to work out the details a bit more.  Like I’ve said the middle portion of the novel is the troublesome part.  But I have three key events that happen, and I know when they happen chronologically.  It’s just linking them together that needs work.  Regardless, I’m going to get back to work on it tonight and I’m hoping to have a completed outline finished before the weekend.  With luck I’ll actually achieve that goal, and depending what I need to get done on the weekend I might get started with rewriting the prologue.

I think I’ve settled into a nice routine at this point, with my week days at least.  I used to watch some podcasts on my bus ride to work in the morning, but I’ve replaced that with reading some of my purchases off Kobo (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo currently).  My lunch hours are set aside to eating and writing posts.  And depending on how much time I have after doing both, I tend to browse through the recent posts under the Writing tag.  I have yet to be unable to find at least one post that was interesting to me on some level.  I don’t really leave many comments but I should, perhaps, change that.  My ride home is also now devoted to browsing through other users’ posts.  I’ve found myself drifting more to posts either detailing the technical or theory behind writing.  Though I often end up going over other’s posts on updates to their writing progress.  I also try to keep up with blogs that I follow but my bus ride is only twelve minutes long.

I have been noticing that I’ve wanted to write.  Not because my phone reminds me at the same time every night to get my ass in gear, but because I’m having fun doing it.  I used to write a lot more; several years ago.  But there was never any fun in it.  It was a compulsion, an almost clinical need to put the words on paper.  I think it was partially to try to get some relief from the depression I suffered through, and even then it didn’t help.  But now?  This reminds me of being back in kindergarten.  Writing that first story with stick figure illustrations to go along with it.  It reminds me of those horrible short stories I wrote in Grade 3, with demons ghosts and vampires.  It’s a feeling like I’m back where I was meant to be despite having lost my way so long ago.

Outlines – I Need a Roadmap

Tonight, if things go as I plan (and lets be honest, the universe seems to love messing with my plans) I’ll sit down and finish writing out the entire outline of the novel.  The problem, with said outline, is that I know how the first seven or so chapters will play out, and I know how the last seven or so conclude (with the inclussion of an epilogue of some sort).  However, in the midle I only have one or two.  So I’m just going to have to sit down, brainstorm and get those on paper.  I don’t want to move forward on this until I’ve reached that point.  I’ve got this block that unless I know exactly what happens I don’t want to start putting it down on paper.  I don’t want to finish the first seven chapters then realize I don’t know how to get from their to major plot point… let’s go with J because J never really comes up when listing points.

Each chapter will jump between character points of view.  The first three chapters will jump between two characters, the next two chapters after that will add one more, and then starting with the sixth chapter all four main characters will be accounted for.  The only exception to this is the last four chapters.  At that point there is a large scale battle being waged and each character will get a chapter devoted to their actions during that timeframe.  The idea being that the four characters at that point are seperated, and working with other teams to push forward and get to the end goal.  And it would be really confusing at that point having to jump between each character, as there would be too much happening to really grasp the scope and horror as to what was happening.

The novel itself has of course the Man Vs Man, Man Vs Creature (though with the tone of the novel Man Vs Man covers this as well), and Man Vs Self conflicts.  There is also Man Vs Fate.  This last one is something that I’d like to discuss a bit.  In this fictional world, Fate exists.  Everything that could ever happen has been decided previously; when you are born your entire life has already been planned out for you.  There are instances where someone or something has managed to change their fate, but Fate itself has always corrected things.  Brutally.  There are two anomalies to this, that being the main character and the one of the antagonists.  Neither have a fate, though the nature of their lacking of a fate differs.

In regards to the antagonist, his lack of fate is… personal.  He can prematurely end someone else’s life, and save some who were meant to die.  However, Fate resolves the extended living within a day or so.  For all intents and purposes he can only briefly affect the lives of those around him.  Well except for those he kills.  Obviously.

The protagonist, however, can affect the fates of others.  Seemingly permanently.  People he helps or saves all have their fates erased, and Fate doesn’t correct the problem.  The future gets rewriten slightly to take this into account.  However this permanency is only tied to the protagonist’s actions.  Fate still corrects if things are changed from the previous plan by someone other than the protagonist.  He is told about this in the last two thirds of the book but believes it to be completely bullshit.  Unfortunately, the previously mentioned battle is a direct result of him lacking fate and being able to give others actual free-will; not just the perception of it.