There is something about waking up completely and utterly sick that is just tremendously horrid. That first instant of consciousness when you blink away the sleep and realize that unfortunately today is going to be a complete and utter waste of your time. That was me this morning, as I first came to the realization that perhaps my migraine from yesterday was saying, “I know you feel bad now but, man, tomorrow is gonna be so much worse. I almost feel bad for you.” You know, before the migraine kicked it into overdrive and felt like someone was trying to drill a whole through my head with a rusty corkscrew. I feel like I need to get a tetanus shot just from thinking about that.
My fiance has – I don’t want to say accused – brought up how different I am in the real world compared to how I write on this very blog. To which I always think to myself – perhaps actually said I don’t really remember – “Well hopefully I don’t sound like a rambling crazy person in real life.” I can understand her response though. I am a quiet, reserved person generally. I think a lot but I don’t say a whole lot. And I’m certain that she finds that endlessly irritating. The problem is that I just don’t like talking; never have and never, in all likelihood, will. I like the act of writing so much more. Not having to instantly respond to things, just getting the time to mull over my exact response. That’s what appeals to me. And in all honesty part of the reason for this blog is to just have a stream of consciousness to just get me writing. About whatever may cross my mind. With a little spell checking, usually, after the fact so I don’t look as stupid as I actually am (after spell checking this post, I found out I spelt stupid wrong. That’s just amazing).
I find it funny, looking back at my writing, just how clean the language is in it. I am, when playing games, a very foul-mouthed prick. I’d like to blame it on the entire culture that Xbox Live seems to breed (my brother is far worse than me in this regards and he’s twelve years younger) but I think it’s more likely due to why I play games. I play as a way to relieve stress and to experience an interactive story. And after stressful days I just want to swear at computer generated character while I shoot ridiculous fictional guns. But that doesn’t translate to most of my writing for some reason. Every instance of swearing I actually put on paper I end up sitting there debating if there is any actual need for it. Is it gratuitous? Does the story get anything from it? I just find it amusing that I’ll have a ten minute argument in my head about swearing in my writings, when I’ll swear ten times a minute over some action in a game. There is definitely a disconnect there on some level.
