As of writing this the Nanowrimo count down is at fourteen hours and forty minutes. Give or take. I’ve been on a steady and brutal increase of anxiety levels for the last week now. Waiting. Just waiting for the clock to tick over into November so that I can start writing this story. Whether or not I finish is irrelevant. I just want to try.
I’ll be adding a Nanowrimo 2012 page to document the progress. In all likelihood it’ll be similar to the novel progress page, a counter (word count this time around) and some thoughts of how the day went.
I’m also planning to post the first chapter once it’s been completed but only it. I’ve talked about the idea enough that I might as well just post the introduction to the killer.
The waiting continues.
Veering away from that… last post… I’d like to talk about themes. Specifically the themes that will be rife in the Nanowrimo next month. As I’ve touched on recently one of the underlying themes is the tug of war between pessimism and optimism for the future (which… after today is a bit more pessimistic). That is, by and large, one of the biggest and most prominent themes that will be visible throughout the novel. However, there are a couple other ideas that I’d like to touch on as well.
One, that I’ve put into the working title of the novel, is the maddening search for perfection. To have this lofty idea of what perfection is; to have either had that one perfect moment in your life or desperately longing for it. How it becomes a drive, a need, an obsession. How that obsession can change you if you let it get out of control. Needless to say, the serial killer in the story will be pushing that heavily but the protagonist will be dragging that anchor with him as well.
The other theme is the need for religion in a technologically advanced age. Specifically why it would exist. I mean some people seem to think that because science is evolving, that our understanding of the universe grows, religion will fade away. While not religious myself, I believe that one of the fundamental strengths of humanity (one of the few things that makes me believe that we can turn ourselves around) is our ability to cling to hope.
Which is important in the novel. Humanity is on the cusp of greatness; on the verge of expanding our influence past Earth’s gravity well for the first time. We are repairing the damage we caused to the atmosphere. But they are also at the awkward point where the average person is still suffering far more than any time previously. Caught between the derelict past the gleaming future they are stuck in their own Purgatory. And that’s where I think religion will always have a place in humanity; regardless of how scientifically advanced we become. If used for its intended purpose (ie not used by extremists to further their own particular brand of crazy) religion is what most people need: faith, community, and hope.
Hope. Sometimes that’s all that stands between life and death. And sometimes all you can do is pray that it’s enough.
I have a sneaky suspicion I’m going to wake up tomorrow and realize this is a rambling, incoherent mess. If so I apologize.
This here? This is why I just plain hate humanity sometimes. And the internet.
I’m no saint. I’ve been bullied, done the bullying. I hate myself for every shitty thing I’ve ever done and I will never stop hating myself for it. But… fuck. I don’t have the words to adequitely describe the seething rage I’m feeling at this moment. I need a drink.
I’ve been taking what I internally have decided is a bit of a break from writing. A recharge if you will. A brief reprieve while I plot out for the November marathon. Or as it actually is: getting frustrated at one damn paragraph that segways into the rest of the chapter. The transition from normalcy into Kate’s own tumble-down the rabbit hole. There is also Borderlands 2 distracting me. At times but not all times.
I also, no thanks to Chapters concept of preorders, have a copy of This Book is Full of Spiders. The book itself is, I think, better than the original. Now I haven’t finished the book, only around 90 pages in, but the flow and style are… more consistent. So I’m definitely satisfied with the book itself. Chapters on the other hand has reminded me, once again, why I bought a Kobo in the first place.
Maybe the problem is my definition of pre-ordering. To me, from my history with video games, preordering means the store (or online store) knows how many copies to order so that they are on hand (or shipping) the day of the release date. I see this as a guarantee that if I want something bad enough to pay the cost prior to actually getting the damned thing (usually months in advance) then I will actually have it as soon as it comes out. This has been the third time I’ve tried pre-ordering something from them. And I’ll be damned if I understand what they hell they are actually doing.
The first two times I preordered through their kiosks in store. I preordered the first two Dragon Age prequel novels. I figured, “Hey, might as well ship it to the store. That way they’ll know how many to get in.” What really happened was my preorder didn’t show up for three or four days after. Meanwhile the store had local stock of the books. Which they would not give me because they weren’t my preordered copy. Now… this happened twice so we can also assume that I am in fact stupid. The fact that I even bothered preordering a third time might mean I have some serious issues learning about patterns.
I swear if I didn’t have a physical copy of John Dies At The End (actually 2 copies, the original limited paper back run as well as the newer hard cover) I would never have put myself through this… I want to say folly. In the end, when the book hadn’t even shipped by the end of the release day I pulled the trigger. Order canceled. I walked into the Chapters closest to where I live and walked out five minutes later with what I wanted. I just don’t know why they continue to make the entire process of preordering a complete and utter train wreck. I also don’t know why I walked back onto those tracks after getting burned twice before.
From now on it’s eBooks only.